Yesterday.....all my troubles seem so far away

Yesterday contained a tragedy that we all wish was untrue and didn't happen, an event that is so hurtful it shakes the life right out of you. I sat at work today with my good, dear friend, and all the wonderful people that I work with when the ding comes over the airwaves and notifies the world of the terrible tragedy in CT. I felt the tears well up inside my heart, as I looked at the front door and shuddered to think that something so life altering, tragic and frightening could ever happen to the kingdom I call work everyday. As our halls scurried with little ones who were celebrating reading, I looked at those innocent eyes and voices of pride as they earned their sticker to celebrate reading a poem that their wonderful teachers had guided them to do to celebrate the wonderful day of "Poem in your Pocket." I listen to the voices, concerns, conversations of dedicated school personnel who give their all, dealing with children everyday, from homework to band aids, lost jackets. It doesn't stop at homework, or paperwork, their students go home with them everyday in rolling carts and file bags that carry assignments and lesson plans that prepare them for the next day. The planning, care and LOVE....yes LOVE for their students is evident in the struggles and celebrations they share for 180 days a year. Our teachers share in conversations and dedication for their students everyday. Our administrators take on the responsibility of touching every child who enters the door. They celebrate their successes and help when the struggles appear and help is needed. You cannot separate yourself from that.
I don't even remember the last bell of the day ringing, as there was so much to take in that day. The normal work load seemed tremendous and the ability to concentrate was lacking, as my thoughts always turned to "what if." Working in an office where you are subject to any and all that walk through a door, and many many different people who come through on a daily basis is unnerving at times. You look, watch, watch some more, and try to keep the campus as safe as possible, checking ID's, getting to know the who and more of family units. I can tell you, we are careful and pay close attention to members of our children's family, but nothing can stop the destruction of another human being who want to assume the roll of ..... well you know. I found myself getting extremely nervous with all the activity, but I saw everyone from parents to kids to teachers celebrating the day, and I celebrated the wonderful opportunity to share in the excitement of a school. I listened closer, celebrated the poems deeper, and took a moment to just "take it all in." I was thankful and blessed we were safe for today.
I am so incredibly saddened as this event takes such a tragic thought to the entire United States. It isn't the fault of the gun, the laws, the politics, it is the doings of a very very sick person. How to help these sick people? What do we do in a place where sadness, stress, and gosh knows what else, is invading the minds of hundreds, and it is starting to consume our safety and freedom to live a life of peace. I don't have any answers to anything and I don't know what can possibly to done, other than to have more resources for people to turn too should they see a loved one, or close person who is struggling with issues that they don't understand. Maybe if we all just help each other with each other, the learning will begin and if one person doesn't know or understand, another will, and we can at least say we tried. I am sure the issues of CT will come to surface, and whatever events led up to this tragedy will come to show sadness in so many different ways.......I know that moving on today with laughter, happiness, celebration is difficult, as across the miles sits more tragedy with people we don't even know.....but we do........it is us....everyday in every way.....Love to you today, peace to you today, and prayer for you today and always.

Awwwwwwwwwww...........It's here....AGAIN.....another life altering event that comes like a runaway train, that cannot be stopped until it derails. There isn't a lot you can do about the choices of others, except to accept to not except. I believe in life of free will and all the responsiblity that comes with it. I don't think that it necessarily means that life is an ever going "free for all" where the total act of self consumption takes over the world and before you know it, hearts are left in piles of rubble and everyone is sorting through it to find theirs again. I love free will......I am a "hippie" from the world of peace and love...."no drugs, just hugs" to quote my wonderful cuz....ha ha....(love that cuz). I believe deep in my soul and spirit that the momentum you put into your view of the world will come back to you ten fold. But....what they didn't teach us in "positive school" is that when you see the world full of flowers and sunshine, there is always a dark cloud that can surface and you will be faced with a storm of grand turbulence that can translate itself into a natural disaster. Positive does create positive, but not everyone can live that way. Not everyone has the desire for the "good", the peaceful, the calm. Sometimes drama gets the blood to flow and causes false sensations of happy, when in reality, it is just what it is and the happy gets replaced with the world of make-believe drama. I don't like drama, unless of course it is on Lifetime and someone else is having to be a heart-broken, dumbfounded, what-the-hell just happened female. Is it really so hard for the world to slow to a pace that includes just having an open, honest, relationship? Do we have to get sucked into this place of "stuff is us" and make that the focal point of all existence? I question the world of TV that plays this grandiose role in our world where we are subject to advertising that displays the world of product as being the world. Those "products" are wrapping paper for others to decide how they want to view us. Walking around with the "fancies" is great, you look terrific, you feel on top of the world...but....what price are you going to pay? Does drama come into play when the charge card bill comes or the arguments for more more more money to pay for more more more stuff begin to surface, and before you know it, the day is cluttered with the fight for more, when you had enough to begin with. I don't have the answers to anything anymore. I just take the moments of the day and try to live them with honesty and devotion to the things and people that entered my life. I want/need my sons to know that life does not need to be about having more, but really having less. Having more causes precious time to be spent creating the funds to have the "more". Then time, loving people, friends, pets, fades as the commodity that does not collect an interest rate, nor can you purchase a loan for it, is left unspent because we are busy worrying, working and working and working, always to "get" a higher rate of pay to pay for the things we already have, and just think we need. There is a big difference between needing something and wanting something. Look around you.....do you really need that? Make a promise to yourself....Just today...plan on "spending" your time like it is priceless....you are a millionaire with this day...It is the most "money" you will ever have. Every minute is mega dollars and you must spend it with joy, happiness, honesty, peace and love....You already have a big enough bank account. It is called your life...spend wisely, you cannot replace those "funds". Peace